At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
