I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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