TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
