I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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