addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
