His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
