WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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