he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
