he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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