u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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