it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
