I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
