honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
