why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
