I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
