Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
