why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
