He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
