actually, I'm a sock model
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
