Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Send help, water and tortillas.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize