Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
