if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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