Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
