Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
