Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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