I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
