that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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