You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
