I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
