i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My bed smells like the plague
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
