I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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