I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There's always time for handjobs
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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