I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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