You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And he claims I gave him âfuck meâ eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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