I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Vodka?
Forever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize