go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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