Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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