he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
