Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize