My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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