it wasn't lemon gatorade
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
