Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
