just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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