Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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