She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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