just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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