im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
