Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
