Small penises have feelings too.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
