So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
