everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
