you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
