look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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