I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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