It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
