the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize