I want to make a zoo with you.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
