i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
