remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
