Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
